Instinctive Mothering
Deeply buried beneath layers of social conditioning are your maternal instincts.
Like bubbles in water they rise whenever your new baby cries. But they get pushed back down under the weight of public opinion.
“Don’t pick them up when they cry”
“Don’t hold your baby all the time”
“Don’t let them sleep at the breast”
Caring for a newborn is presented by some as a risk minimising program. The goal seems to be enabling independence in the infant as soon as possible. Which is a bit unrealistic for someone who can’t independently move most of their body!
Mothers in recent decades have been consistently given the message:
“You do not know what to do so WE (the experts) will instruct you. Follow the rules and your baby will thrive.”
But that urge you feel to go against the advice and just pick up your distressed baby, put them back to the breast despite the clock, bring them into your bed beside you, is your instincts telling you that you DO know what is best for your baby. Because you are the expert on your own child.
Beware those who cast doom upon the future outcomes:
“He will never learn to fall asleep alone”
“She needs to learn to self-sooth”
“You will teach them bad habits”
“You will never get them out of your bed!”
Consider how factual these claims could be. Where is the research data to back them up? Where are all these older children and teenagers sleeping in their parents bed, feeding at the breast, refusing to walk instead of being carried? Take a look at the throng of children in the playground at your local school and try to identify those who were breastfed on demand, weaned after they were two, shared their parents bedroom or were never left to cry. I bet you can’t tell.
Follow your gut response. It is nearly always the right one. Always offer the breast as it fixes nearly everything. Hold your baby while they sleep and sleep beside them through the night. Keep them close and carry them.
Your newborn baby does have an instruction manual: you carry it in your heart. Listen to it.
