Babies are not miniature adults.

Sometimes we expect an awful lot of these immature little humans whose brains take 25 years to fully mature. And probably the area we have the least realistic expectation is how we think they should sleep.

To hear some people talk about sleep in infancy, you would think that sleep was a behavioural problem and parents need to take control and correct the habits of their child whose waking is manipulative and intentional!

Reality check: adults cannot control their own sleep, let alone their baby’s!

The safest place for your baby to sleep in the first 6-12 months is in the same room as you - day and night. While expectant parents often invest a lot of time and money into creating a room for their baby, the reality is that is the place where you store baby stuff and not a space your baby occupies very much!

By contrast, babies and mothers spend a lot of time together in the adult bedroom yet this space tends to be cobbled together while you are using it and nothing really feels organised or functional.

So let's look at what you might need for overnight and nap time in your bedroom:

Breastfeeding is a relationship between a baby and their mother. But it is also a relationship between a baby and the breasts. A complex system of hormones guides your baby in many ways which might surprise you.

Evolution of Man as hunter-gather meant our males needed to become swift as they hunted prey large enough to meet the needs of their tribe. Running while covered in thick hair in hot climates such as that we now call Africa was not efficient, so over time, hair became shorter and finer: it aided evaporation of sweat, keeping the runner cool as he covered long distances. But the female also became increasingly hairless, posing quite a problem for mothers.

Babies are always safer if they sleep in the presence of an adult caregiver compared to sleeping in a room on their own, so during the day your baby is safest if they are sleeping near to an adult who is looking after them.

Separating infant feeding and infant sleep is quite possibly the root cause of so many modern problems surrounding the two. The expectation that night feeding is an inconvenience to be tolerated in the very early days of infancy, but needs to be eliminated as soon as possible has no evidence to support it - and a great deal to debunk it.

Resenting your child's contact naps because you are wasting time that could be better spent does you no good at all. You might have intentionally chosen this pathway or stumbled across it on your journey. Here you are, practicing the gentle attachment style of parenting which appealed so much ... and wishing your child would just lie down in the cot and fall asleep by themselves like all the other babies.

We measure pregnancy over nine months divided into thirds: the first trimester is a secret time, when an embryo develops into a foetus hidden away from the outside world; in the second trimester news of the pregnancy is shared and celebrated and preparations begin; in the third trimester the focus moves to the impending birth and plans made for labour and delivery. We celebrate the arrival of the newborn as though the journey has ended. But for the newborn, an even bigger transition must now be made.

Deeply buried beneath layers of social conditioning are your maternal instincts.

Like bubbles in water they rise whenever your new baby cries. But they get pushed back down under the weight of public opinion.

“Don’t pick them up when they cry”

“Don’t hold your baby all the time”

“Don’t let them sleep at the breast”

Consider life in the weeks leading up to birth. Your baby never experiences hunger, cold, silence, stillness or isolation. They are held increasingly firmly by the strong muscles of the uterus. Their digestive system is still. They are rocked by the gentle movement of their mother, even as she sleeps. Her presence is constant, her heartbeat and other body sounds a rhythmic soundtrack. Light and sound are muted.

Your baby is not going to sleep through the night and that’s because they aren’t supposed to!

Its a hard fact to process in a modern society who pursues unnatural infant sleep and feel they have failed when their babies do not reach this parental goal. But you can no more train a baby to sleep all night than you can train them to walk or ride a bike. It is developmentally normal for babies to repeatedly wake at night to breastfeed and to need parental contact and support to return to sleep.

Around 30 years ago, a significant change in baby sleep advice was made and the death rate from Sudden Infant Death (SIDS) was consequently halved. Parents were no longer advised to lay their babies on their tummies to sleep, instead to lay them on their backs. The “Back To Sleep Campaign” has been recognised for its role in educating parents and saving lives.

There are probably more myths and misconceptions about infant sleep than any other aspect of raising a child – and you can’t believe everything you hear! In fact, as many as one-third of parents admit to lying about their babies sleep patterns in an effort to conform with societies beliefs about what is normal!

Co-sleeping can be either room sharing where adults and babies have separate sleep surfaces in the same room or bed-sharing where adults and babies share the same sleep surface. A sleep surface is a bed, cot, bassinet or other space intended for sleeping on. This doesn’t include armchairs, couches, sofas, bean bags or other places an adult might fall asleep.

In the womb, your baby shares your natural body clock. It takes at least 3 months for infants to develop their own circadian rhythm.

It is normal and natural then for your baby to have no discernible day/night pattern to feeding and sleeping. They lack the hormonal control to establish one. And it is not something they can be taught, no matter how much parents try and self-styled "sleep trainers" promise. What is more likely to occur is various techniques and programs are tried until one "magically" works coincidentally as the natural development stage is reached and circadian rhythm begins to function. Most babies naturally begin sleeping longer stretches at night around 3 months.