Child Spacing and Gentle Parenting
When is the right stage to have your next baby?
In the 21st century women have more control over fertility than ever before. They can prevent and postpone pregnancy until a time right for them. However, having gained control over when to start their family, increasingly women are under pressure to complete their family as fertility declines.
The average age of first-time motherhood in Australia is 32. The average number of births per woman is now 1.7. Age 35 is deemed Advanced Maternal Age (previously Geriatric Pregnancy!) and fertility declines significantly from this age. Fertility generally starts to reduce when a woman is in her early 30s, and more so after the age of 35. By age 40, the chance of getting pregnant in any monthly cycle is around 5%. Around 5% of children are now conceived with Assistive Reproductive Technology.
A woman having her first child at 32 years, and hoping to conceive their second child naturally, is racing against time and faces new challenges in their approach to parenting children.
How does child-spacing impact options for child-led, responsive parenting?
The World Health Organization recommend an overall minimum of two years breastfeeding, exclusively in the first six months.
Waking at night is frequent throughout the first three years of life and nighttime breastfeeding is typical.
Infants require lifting and carrying throughout the first three years of life and babywearing can be integral to meeting this need.
A period of 18 months is recommended between pregnancies to allow healing of the maternal body.
Toilet learning generally happens around 2-3 years of age.
Many parents choose a period of three years between births, allowing the previous child to complete infancy.
The Impact of Breastfeeding on Fertility
Breastfeeding as nature intended - frequently around the clock (with breastsleeping during the night), without substitutes for sucking (in the form of teats or dummies) and without any other foods or liquids (formula, water or solid foods) - signals to the female body to suppress ovulation as the mother has a fully-dependent infant. This suppression of fertility is practiced by many as The lactational amenorrhoea method (LAM) of delaying fertility. In the first six months, while exclusively breastfeeding, as much as 98% protection is possible. However, any signs of ovulation or menstruation indicate the body is preparing to begin again and alternate methods should be considered if pregnancy is not desirable.
However, many women find breastfeeding delays their period for many months and even into the second year of infancy. While this is a blessing for some, for others wishing to conceive, the lack of ovulation becomes a problem. For women in their mid to late 30s, this delay might not be welcome. For women in their 40s, it might be worrying.
Sometimes parents are told they must fully wean before commencing Assisted Reproductive Technology. However, this is not always supported by evidence and might indicate preference by their practitioner, policy of the service provider, concern about the impact of drugs and hormones on the breastfed child or simply an assumption they have never had challenged.
A woman who has begun ovulation and menstruation while breastfeeding will not increase her chances of conceiving naturally (or with medical assistance) by weaning. Ideally, the end of breastfeeding is a gradual transition over months and a deadline can create a stressful environment. if a non-breastfeeding parent is anxious to try for another baby, they might resent the slow process.
Ending a breastfeeding relationship sooner than you’d hoped can be challenging. It can help to talk things over with a breastfeeding counsellor.
For some women though, finding out they are pregnant while still breastfeeding might come as a shock. Though the chances are low, it is possible to fall pregnant on your first ovulation while breastfeeding and not have a “warning” period to alert you. A baby fussing at the breast or a return of breast tenderness or sore nipples might be the first indicators of pregnancy. Despite the Old Wives Tales, it is very possible to fall pregnant while breastfeeding, especially once baby is eating solid foods or sleeping longer periods overnight. If it is very important that you not conceive again until you plan to, then speak with your doctor about contraception within weeks of childbirth. Some hormonal forms of contraception are not compatible with breastfeeding however you can consider alternatives.
An unexpected conception before you had planned can be shock. If your current baby is less than 12 months, it will be necessary to supplement your breastmilk with donor milk or infant formula as your lactation transitions into pregnancy mode again. Babies in the second year and beyond can continue breastfeeding alongside family foods however they may become disinterested as the volume dips or the taste changes. By 16 weeks gestation, the milk you produce will be more like colostrum and some toddlers lose interest altogether. Others continue you on through later pregnancy and even after the birth. Feeding two children is referred to as tandem feeding.
As many as 50% of pregnancies are unplanned, which shows we have more control over things than in the past but nature still has ways. And while we might plan pregnancies carefully, miscarriage impacts as many of 15% of conceptions. While we use terminology like birth control and family planning, we cannot control everything.
