Practical Tips for Twins and More
Bringing two or three new people into your household, people who introduce an incredible level of chaos along with them, is everything you expect it to be. Yet the reality is nothing like you can imagine! It is not just the “care of one baby times two or three”, its the disruption of the normal household rhythm and lack of control over how and when you do anything.
Your unique family dynamics mean some ideas are irrelevant while others are life-changing. Take the useful and discard the useless.
Survival is the name of the game in the early years. Every aspect of daily life falls into the following categories:
Essential
Desirable
Optional
Unnecessary
If you are reading this before your babies are born, NOW is the time to plan for the months to come. (If you are on bed-rest, make this a project to occupy your mind)
If you are reading this while your babies are in NICU or SCN and your time is divided between hospital and home, be gentle with yourself, accept all offers of help. If you have capacity, make a note of the practical challenges you encounter (have a running list in your phone) and brainstorm solutions during the drive, while your babies are sleeping in Kangaroo Mother Care or when you are pumping.
If you are reading this with all your babies at home, please be gentle with yourselves. Prioritise infant and self care. Outsource every possible thing you can. Surrender for now.
Meals. If you are producing milk for two or three babies, feeding yourself is a high priority. You cannot run on an empty fuel tank. During pregnancy, tell family and friends you need help to fill your freezer with lunches and dinners you can store and thaw in single serves. If you are physically able to, you might enjoy doing this yourself but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t. Check your supermarket online for meals you can purchase to stock the freezer. If you are up to meal prepping, there are some great space saving options you can use. I love these Souper Cubes, which you can fill with serves of food, freeze and transfer into reusable silicone bags or disposable ziplock locks to freeze. Cook extra serves of rice, pasta and other grains to freeze so you can quickly add these to a meal. Frozen vegetables are a controllable option compared to keeping fresh vegetables in your fridge, however if you have helpers, ask them to take care of vegetable management for you. Set up an automatic delivery order for the basic vegetables you eat regularly. Included lots of fruits to snack on through the day too. Ask your helper to wash, cut up and store vegetables ready to cook and serve. This can include vegetable sticks (carrots, capsicum, celery) you can use with hummus and other dips. While they are there, ask them to hard-boil and shell eggs for you to grab and go for a protein shot. Stock up your pantry with dry goods which you can easily convert into meals and snacks. Dried fruit and nuts. Cereals. Canned fish. Grains.
Laundry. Two or three tiny little people produce so much more laundry! How does that work? Part of the problem is you can fit so many minute pieces in one full load in your machine, which becomes overwhelming when you reach the “folding” stage of the process. The reality is, the washing and drying stages are automated and it is relatively simple to start and switch laundry loads in the micro-moments your babies allow you. However, those loads quickly turn into mountains needing to be sorted, folded and put away. So its time to get real with how you are going to live for the foreseeable future and not how Pinterest and Instagram suggest people live (they don’t!). Firstly, eliminate any garments or other fabric items which need special laundry care. The only things eligible for special care right now have a pulse. Stop separating whites and colours. Great Nana’s handknits that aren’t machine washable - nope. Pretty dresses which only look cute when ironed - nope. Dress your babies and older children in stretchy garments you can peel off the child and toss straight in the machine, the dryer and back on the baby. Same for yourself. Stock up on comfortable clothing in the size you are and ignore the rest of your wardrobe. Sort before you wash automatically: assign every family member a washing hamper where they get undressed. Not in the room they “should” undress but right where they actually do it. The babies are probably sharing a wardrobe so they can share a hamper. Wash an independent load when the hamper is full. Isolate individual’s clothing throughout the process. Just the babies laundry goes through the wash and dry cycle and is emptied into a basket. Accept for now the reality that folding and even putting away are unnecessary steps you probably don’t have time for. Dress the babies directly from that basket. Nobody cares if they cycle through the same outfits over several days going in and out of the laundry. Limit older children’s access to the bulk of their clothing and let them cycle through a series of garments they will happily wear without complaint. School children need clean uniform pieces during the week and limited options on weekends. Working parents can create a working wardrobe of easy-care pieces which are machine washable and can go in the dryer. If work or school clothes require ironing - pay someone.
Cleaning. The bare minimum is your goal. If you can possibly manage it, pay someone to clean once a week. Or fortnight. Or monthly. Let them focus on deep cleaning of kitchen, bathrooms and floors. Day to day, your biggest hurdles are dishes and clutter. If you have older children, their toys are also a huge factor. The arrival of new babies is not the time to have complicated systems in place. Keep cleaning tools close to where they are used. If toddlers prevent this, keep a caddy out of reach which oly holds the products you actually use to clean kitchen and bathrooms. No wish-cleaning here! Multiple microfibre cloths and water can do most jobs, leaving the chemicals for deep cleaning. Store extra toilet paper and period products near where you need them - top up from your main store often. Ask a regular visitor to be your toilet paper monitor and let them take charge.
If you have time to prepare, eliminate any kitchen items which cannot go in the dishwasher (if you have one) or need any kind of special care. Take out of circulation things which get in the way of straight-forward dishwashing, whether by hand or machine. Anything claiming to be time-saving but having multiple pieces to take apart and put together - take it out of circulation. Same with toys. If it cannot easily be tossed back into a toybox or placed on a shelf, put it away. Board games and puzzles, Lego, anything with lots of small pieces - pack it away. Declutter surfaces of decorative items and stuff which has a home elsewhere. Your goal is that a person unfamiliar with your home can tidy things away without needing unique knowledge of your family’s odd requirements.
Utilising offers of help
Make a list of household tasks and keep it on the fridge. If family and friends ask what they can do, point them to the list. Brain fog from fatigue makes answering questions like that hard. Put everything you can think of, from bringing the bins in to washing a load of towels or changing bedsheets. If people ask if they can bring something, have a standard two or three items you know you always need, like bread, milk and fruit. You might even create a text message you can cut and paste when someone asks to visit:
“Hi, we would love to see you tomorrow. Can you please stop at the shop and grab fresh bread, 2 litres of milk, some fruit and something from the bakery for lunch? See you soon :)”
When you are on bed rest or confined to one part of the house most of the day feeding or pumping, frustration can be triggered by what you can see not being done. If possible, keep the room uncluttered by basket of laundry, unwashed cups and half-eaten meals, cast-off clothing and general mess. Helpers can help keep this space calm and relaxing. Have snacks close at hand but corralled in a basket or drawer. Use a water bottle instead of drinking glasses and a thermal mug instead of coffee cups. A wheeled cart can hold your pumping needs and feeding accessories in a contained space which can go with your from room to room. Cosy wraps and knee rugs can be useful to keep your shoulders and legs warm while feeding or pumping, while cushions can support your body weight where needed. A basket to toss these into when not in use can help when you feel overwhelmed by visual clutter. A tray for drinks, meals and snacks makes it is easier for someone to return cups and plates to the kitchen. Devices, charging cables, remotes, hand cream and lip balm, journals etc can be contained in a basket close by your side without scattering all over the bed or couch.
You will be spending many hours every day sitting to breastfeed, bottle feed and pump in this space. If it is the main living area, you can chat with visitors, if you feel comfortable feeding or pumping with them present. Otherwise, ask them to call before visiting and explain you will be feeding/pumping around X o’clock and they are welcome to visit between Y and Z o’clock but you will be pumping or feeding again at Z so they will need to leave before then. Set an alarm 15 or 20 minutes beforehand and wind up the visit then. Your partner or support person can be your gate-keeper and shoo people out. Stress to them it is not about other people being comfortable (Oh, we don’t mind if you feed while we are here!) but about your ability to relax and focus on your babies. If you suspect some people will not respect your boundaries, hold firm and say you are not able to have visitors right now.
There is nothing discreet about breastfeeding twins!
You will sometimes become overwhelmed by the chaos threatening your home in every direction. It might help to come up with a list of non-negotiables which must be achieved on even the worst days. Everyone has different tolerance levels, so this is NOT a list of things you have to do but a list for you to select a handful of essential tasks from.
Five minutes matters - you or someone who is helping you can tackle a task and make a difference:
empty indoor bins - the ones which smell (nappies, compost) or the ones which overflow
dirty dishes beyond the kitchen - beside your bed, on the coffee table, on the table
wet towels and clothes on the bathroom floor, overflowing clothes hampers, wet washing sitting in the machine
scattered papers, goodie bags, wrapping paper, cards and envelopes, junk mail. Sort out the keep from recycle
dead flowers in a vase, half-drunk cups of cold tea or coffee, last nights leftovers in a pot
clutter around the front door. Bags, shoes, things waiting to be put away later. Avoid trips hazards carrying two babies.
piles of baby stuff in your feeding space - gifts, solutions which didn’t solve, cast-off bibs and blankets, random nappies.
a cluttered pathway to your bed - clothing, blankets, pillows and baby stuff flung to the floor in the night, ready to trip in the day
closed curtains and blinds - support your circadian rhythm by starting your day with natural light throughout the house.
Total overwhelm and despair
Please remember that a normal level of discomfort with your usually organised home and lifestyle is to be expected. However, if it is taking a significant toll on your peace of mind, it can help to speak with someone.
Your doctor, child health nurse or midwife are a good place to start.
Depression and anxiety during and after pregnancy are complex mental health issues beyond the scope of this page. If you or someone you know needs support, we have listed some Australian resources below.
Crisis support
If you need support, call one of the following numbers:
• Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 (24/7)
• PANDA [Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia] National Helpline (Mon to Fri, 9am- 7.30pm AEST) 1300 726 306
