“Parents don’t have time for all that these days”
… was the response when I explained the five core practices of our online community.
“Babies need to adapt to the modern world,” they continued. As though evolution is a button you can push to enable an upgrade on a model which has existed for millions of years.
What have we done as a society, in such a short space of time, to render infancy an inconvenience to be quickly overcome?
Our five core practices are simple yet complex.
Breastfeeding, exclusively for the first six months then combined with family foods until natural weaning in the third year or beyond.
Carrying babies close to their caregiver as they go about their day, held against the body in a baby carrier - referred to as babywearing
Sleeping in close proximity to our babies in infancy and beyond, through breastsleeping, bed-sharing or room-sharing - collectively known as cosleeping
Self-feeding of family foods from around six months - without purees or spoon-feeding - an approach known as baby-led weaning
Reducing the global footprint of infants through the use of reusable products referred to as modern cloth nappies
These being part of what we think of as a gentle, natural, attachment-based, responsive way of parenting infants and children.
“Unreasonable,” they said. ‘Women do not want to be tied down by the responsibility that kind of parenting burdens them with. They want to be in the workforce, not stuck at home with a baby. And men are excluded by all that stuff.”
(I was left wondering how men might feel excluded by preparing infant meals, washing nappies, using a baby carrier or sleeping in the same bed as their baby?)
“Western society has moved on,” they continued. “put them into childcare and get back to being productive.”
Productive. Clearly growing an entire human inside your body and then pushing it out, nourishing it with litres of milk over several years and creating securely-attached individuals is not productive.
Human reproduction has become a liability, with its unreasonable requirements best out-sourced and moulded into a generic commodity for the workforce as swiftly as possible.
Biologically-female bodies are incubators, babies are preferably surgically removed to “preserve the integrity of the pelvic floor”, before a brief “holiday” rebranded as parental leave. Any hint of breastfeeding challenge is “solved” by bottles of pumped breastmilk and infant formula, with time “at breast” to be attempted by an overwhelmed person recovering from surgical birth. Within weeks, they have to switch modes as they “prepare” to return to the workforce, compelled to accrue a freezer full of the expressed breastmilk they will leave withh their partner - as they take their “share” of parental leave. Later, the baby and the breastmilk will be left with another person - who is being productive because they are paid to care for babies. The baby will need to sleep long hours at night because their parents need to “work”, so its off to sleep school, time for the sleep training books or in comes the sleep consultant, to “get the baby” sleeping 7pm - 7am. The time between arriving home from work and putting the baby to bed on time will leave no time for leisurely family meals, so a pouch of commercial pureed food will be spooned in quickly (older babies will suck it from the pouch directly, meaning less dishes) while the parents order dinner online. With weekends already dedicated to shopping, housework and “getting their life back”, the added workload of washing nappies has no chance and large packs of disposable nappies fill the trolley each week. And with the biological clock ticking urgently, a second baby needs to be conceived before the first leaves the cot in their own bedroom.
What have we done?
Mothering, motherhood - once revered - is now relegated to “care in the home” and not equal to the care provided in “early learning centres” which we used to refer to as child care.
Stay At Home Mothers - once a distinction opposite “working mothers” - are now “unproductive”. Choosing to care for your own children in their early years is less valued than it was when it was the default. Valuing the contribution of women as carers - of the very young, those living with disabilities and the very old - only counts if it is paid work enabling others to work outside the home.
What have we done?
