Breastfeeding: Expectations versus Reality
Breastfeeding. It's natural. Humans have been doing it since the dawn of time. How hard could it be?
So. Hard. Sometimes.
Most mothers and babies take time to get breastfeeding established. Now, you might expect this to mean days but it means weeks. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it comes naturally to everyone: mothers and babies.
Learning to breastfeed is like learning to dance. It is a partnership where two people need to independently do their bit, then combine their parts together. And, like dancing, there is a lot of getting in each other's way.
Breastfeeding can hurt. Like really hurt. It shouldn't and it won't once you work through the early stages but it hurts when your baby isn't latching well. Pain is how we know it isn't quite right but it is also a sign your skin is damaged and needs to heal. Sometimes pain is a sign of infection of the skin or breast tissue. Sometimes pain is a sign of inflammation of the skin or breast tissue. All of these things are common and can be resolved. But they aren't much fun.
Breastfeeding is a full-time occupation. At least 8 hours a day and often many more. Not forever but certainly in the early weeks. There isn't a lot of downtime when you have a newborn. That will change as your baby grows but the first 6-12 weeks is pretty intense. And babies don’t know about time or clocks. Their feeding patterns change and evolve as they grow and develop. Some feeds are close together, some are spaced further apart. Vague patterns will appear in older babies but will still flex and adapt as needed. They lead, you follow. Babies know how to breastfeed and how often to do it.
Breastfeeding is demanding. The parent with the breasts is going to be the primary person in the newborn baby's life and they want to stay close around the clock. This is important but hard sometimes. Especially for the parent who don't have the breasts. It changes as the baby grows but it is what it is for a while. It isn't personal and it isn't always convenient. While the mother looks after the baby with her breasts and body, her family and wider support network look after her. Not by trying to take the baby from her proximity but by tending to practical needs like changing and bathing while the mother is close by.
Breastfeeding helps establish the bond between mother and baby. But this can take time to form and that’s quite okay. And you will still bond with your baby even if breastfeeding is supported by other ways of feeding your child. Sometimes you might feel negative feelings about the physical or emotional impact of establishing breastfeeding or overcoming challenges along the way. You can love breastfeeding without enjoying every moment. And you can love your baby while feeling overwhelmed by their needs.
Breastfeeding is a 24 hour gig. You can expect night time to be just as intense as daytime and sometimes moreso. For longer than you might expect. And these night feeds are important and not something your baby should be discouraged from. Babies need to sleep near their breastfeeding parent - beside or in their bed as appropriate. Feeds do not need stretching out. Babies do not need to be taught how to sleep.
Now - does this all sound like some kind of nightmare? Some people would suggest that first-time parents shouldn’t be told too much before the birth in case it puts them off altogether. Yet new parents frequently say they had no idea and never expected the newborn period to be so intense. Adjusting expectations away from warm-fuzzy social media images and presenting the raw reality can help normalise the intensity of it all.
It does get less overwhelming over time. But you can expect the early weeks/months to be demanding.
As your brain and body adjust to no longer being pregnant and your new role as a breastfeeding mother, you can expect emotional ups and downs. Mood swings can make the bad days seem worse and even mothers who are not experiencing postnatal depression can expect to have periods where they don’t feel themselves, as hormonal shifts occur.
