Separation Anxiety

There are periods of development when infants need more physical connection with their primary caregiver.

Around 9 months, separation anxiety begins to form. In the early months babies have no understanding their mother is a separate entity. What science refers to as the Mother-Baby dyad is exactly how the child experiences their mother: simply part of their physical environment.

As they become mobile in the second half year, infants begin to experience the world differently. They can move towards a toy or it can move away from them. As they begin to understand 'object permanence' - the toy still exists when it rolls around the corner - they also develop awareness that people can move out of sight but still exist.

There is likely an important survival factor at play: an infant separated from its mother is vulnerable to predators and physical dangers. The baby who can no longer see their carer will alert them through a distress cry, bringing her hurried return.

Modern babies still experience the moment of separation with distress, even in the safety of their home, when they cannot see mum who walked into another room. While our adult brains understand our baby is still there when we can't see them, their immature brains are just beginning to develop this awareness.

Separation anxiety tends to peak around 18 months. And generally by around three years a child will confidently understand the concept.

#babywearing allows you to keep your baby or toddler close at the times they are extra sensitive to brief separations through the day. If they are sick, teething or going through a developmental leap they can struggle when you move out of their line of vision. They can become overwhelmed by repeated moments of distress on top of other triggers. It is often better for everyone to pop them up in the carrier and keep them close.

You are not going to delay the process by limiting separation, despite what family or friends might suggest. It is the maturing of the brain, not exposure to separation, which leads to the ability to understand what is happening. You cannot hurry or delay this by behaviour.