Why Do Breastfed Babies and Toddlers Play With Their Mother’s Body?

All mammals use touch to stimulate milk flow when feeding, including humans. Your tiny baby strokes, pats or holds your breast while they feed and the hormone oxytocin surges in your body in response. This increases the flow of breastmilk and the baby sighs in satisfaction. Watch a mother cat, dog, pig or other mammal feeding and you will observe activity among her babies: kneading the breast tissue rhythmically with their paws, nudging their snout into the breast tissue or grasping at nipples with tiny fists. Baby mammals instinctively know that this stimulation releases milk and enthusiastically activate the response when they want to get things going. Keeping babies unwrapped during breastfeeds and their hands free to move helps this valuable interaction happen naturally

However, as babies grow this gentle physical association between feeding and their mother’s body can become a bit too much for mum. Nipple twiddling, hair pulling, belly-button poking and skin pinching are some ways babies establish annoying habits at feed times.

So what can you do when interaction begins to feel like invasion and how can you prevent it in the first place?

It is really important not to restrict touch when breastfeeding is being established. This skin-to-skin contact has a vital role in supporting your milk production. As your baby grows and supply becomes stable after the early months, you can begin to guide your little one on touch you enjoy and minimise touch you would rather not build into your breastfeeding relationship.

Some babies will happily transition to a beaded necklace to fiddle with during feeds while others will accept a soft blanket instead of your shirt collar. Encouraging open hand patting instead of gripping skin is important to prevent pinching becoming a habit. And - no matter how cute it is to begin with - seriously consider if you want a finger up your nose, in your belly-button or twiddling the second nipple for months or years to come!

Distraction, replacement and redirection are the most successful methods of gently helping your baby use their hands, feed and body in a way you are comfortable with. Some behaviours become associated with waiting for the let-down reflex to kick in at the beginning of the feed, while others come along as hunger is satisfied and the feed session is coming to an end. So observing feeds to see where patterns are forming and interrupting them with a new behaviour will help stop things before they become too embedded in your feeding routine.

If you are already stuck with a behaviour you would prefer didn’t continue, it will take some persistence and patience to make change. Older babies and toddlers understand more language than they can express, so talk to them as you gently move their hand or foot. Introduce a new fidget tool for those who need something to do with their hands while feeding - ideally something you can have multiples of, easily clean and are happy to have snuggled up to your body several times a day! This could be a necklace or bangle designed for teething infants, a small soft toy or even a simple wooden or plastic toy your child can easily grip. It will take repeated efforts to guide your baby to use this instead of their chosen body part. Ideally, this special object is only used at feed time so they form a special connection between it and breastfeeding.

Toddlers might respect your explanation that a behaviour hurts or makes you sore. You can even try a beloved band-aid on the special spot to reinforce the message. Keep in mind though, a habit still in-place in the second or third year is firmly connected and can be very distressing to change. Consistent, persistent and gentle guidance will be needed.

At the end of the day, breastfeeding is a relationship which both mother and child need to feel safe and comfortable in. It is never too early to model body autonomy and consent to our children.