Self care without separation

Those offering you support can be quick to suggest they look after your baby while you take some time for yourself. They might urge you to express your breastmilk or introduce formula so you can spend longer periods apart from your newborn. While they do have your best interests at heart there can also be an element of wanting to spend some time with your baby themselves. Partners, parents, family and friends can mean well but you do not need to separate from your young breastfed baby to take a break and practice some self-care.

In our modern society, self-care has come to be defined by many as going for a massage or facial at a spa! While this sounds delightful, most new mothers would really just like to go to the toilet in peace. So let’s look at more realistic ways you can practice genuine self-care while still being close to your baby for feeds.

Take a shower

If you have a willing pair of arms to take your baby after a feed, head to your bathroom and enjoy a long shower. Wash your hair, tend to hairy bits and take your time. Apply lotion to your body, hands and feet. Practice your skin care routine. Tidy up finger and toe nails. Take your time. If you can’t relax because you worry your baby will wake and cry, ask your helper to text your phone if they wake and have a robe handy to pop on if you need to stop and breastfeed. If you are on your own, you can still enjoy some body maintenance time without constantly thinking you can hear them cry. Settle your baby after feeding in the bathroom with you. Wheel your bassinet or pram into the room or just outside the open door. Or bring a baby seat or swing into or near the room. You can even create a safe sleep space on the floor for their nap.

Feed Your Body

If you have supportive people wanting to help, ask them to bring you lunches or healthy snacks in addition to dinners. If your partner takes their lunch to work, ask them to prep yours at the same time. Keep fresh fruit and vegetables on hand by using home delivery services if available and check if they also provide bread and milk. Set reminders on your device to remind you to eat breakfast and lunch, as well as snacks mid morning and afternoon. Make a habit to refill your water bottle every time you feed your baby or change their nappy and you can even use these triggers to have a snack as well. Keep snacks and water where you feed rather than wanting them when you are contact napping. Feeding the mother feeds the baby: make it a priority to eat well and eat often to keep up your energy.

Go outside

Whether it is taking a moment out on your balcony or walking the perimeter of your property, take advantage of the open air and aim to get out at least once each day. On bad days, just take some deep breaths and ground yourself. On good days, pop on your baby carrier or grab the pram and walk in nature if you can. If you live in an urban environment, seek out growing things to use as touchstones on your walk: potted plants, street trees … even flowering weeds! Being in nature is good for you and is good for your baby too.

Spend Time with Other People

If your social network used to mostly be people you worked with, you might be feeling a bit isolated without their company all day. One way to establish a network of co-workers while you are on parental leave is to take advantage of parenting groups run within your community. Child health nurses will usually include you in a group of first time parents with baby’s of similar ages and offer a course of information sessions to attend. Australian Breastfeeding Association local groups hold informal discussions on relevant topics facilitated by trained volunteers. Babywearing groups hold regular gatherings where you can learn about baby carriers and how to use them safely. And Kangatraining has regular group exercise sessions designed for parents while they wear their babies in carriers. And you will find other activities such as walking groups, yoga classes, storytime sessions and more in your own community. Covid has interrupted many of these and others have moved online but it also highlighted the importance of social connections for parents of young children. Meeting new people can be hard but reaching out is always worthwhile. Your baby will meet their own first friends and learn from these experiences.

Feed your Mind

If your daily life was filled with work or study, you might wonder if life at home with your new baby will lead to boredom. While its okay to take time to just Be, if you are looking for stimulation there are lots of options to consider.

The downtime of spending hours each day breastfeeding are a wonderful opportunity to catch up on reading. While it is important to use some of the time connecting with your baby, most newborns close their eyes while feeding so its okay not to sit eye-to-eye during every single feed! If juggling a book feels too hard to begin with, e-books on your device and audio books are made for breastfeeding mothers! Whether you are interested in the classics or the latest releases, you have an opportunity to spend hours filling your reading bucket. You can even listen to many of our recommended reading on aspects of parenting via apps like Audible or Borrow Box.

Podcasts are another boon for parents when their hands are full. If you have an interest, their will be a podcast focusing on it. There are some great podcasts about parenting too and you hear some of our favourite writers and researchers interviewed.

Self-care is taking time out from Doing and investing time in Being. It is okay not to be productive. It is okay to simmply sit and enjoy your baby. While it might be practical for a parent at home to take on extra household tasks and there is certainly extra domestic demand with one (tiny!) extra person in the home, that doesn’t mean that parental leave equals full responsibility for household management. Nor should maternity or paternity leave be thought of as a holiday! The demanding care of a newborn baby is a full-time occupation and time out from that is a genuine need which needs to be supported.

Sleep is self-care

Go to bed early. Sleep in later. Nap during the day.

While you can’t change how much your baby sleeps, you can change how much you sleep. If you are caring only for a newborn then you don’t need to start the day at the crack of dawn. Its totally okay to go back to sleep after an early morning feed or two. Its really okay to head for bed when your baby does after dinner. And taking the opportunity to rest while your baby naps is an important part of looking after your baby and yourself.

Screen time in the late evening is a significant sleep disrupter for everyone - young and old. While you might tell yourself you are having quality adult time, spending hours after dinner watching TV or scrolling on your phone is likely contributing to your sleep deficit. Try instead to go to bed early and get some sleep before midnight.

Day-time sleep doesn’t come easily to everyone but if you can nap then try to do so most days. If you can’t sleep, try to rest. Lie in bed or put your feet up on the couch and allow your body to relax. Mindfulness exercises can help if your mind continues to buzz with your silent to do list. Plan to do essential tasks earlier in the day when you might have more energy and use this down time to prepare for the more demanding evening period with your baby.