Mothering the mother
During pregnancy, a woman finds herself the centre of attention. Even total strangers care about her comfort and well-being. She is urged to eat well, get enough rest and take care of herself.
Labour and birth change everything - most significantly, the new mother must share the limelight with the new kid in town.
(The experience of a new father or other non-birthing parent is a whole other story. We see you too.)
Now the breastfeeding mother needs to juggle self-care with caring for her baby and she is again urged to eat well, get enough rest, take care of herself … um, okay …
Traditionally women would be cocooned and nurtured for 40 days after the birth of a child. In some parts of the world, they still are. In the modern western culture though, a new mother leaves her home and births in a hospital. She briefly nests with her newborn in a clinical space where an exhausted partner and overworked midwives care for her until she leaves after just one or two nights stay.
The postnatal period can become a blur as various professionals are consulted to assess breastfeeding concerns and other issues related to birth interventions like surgical delivery or significant tears. Short periods of parental leave taken by non-birthing parents can quickly disappear with little time for their own recovery from long labours. Often they are not prepared for nurturing the new mother and need some nurturing themselves.
Mothers are likely to birth geographically distanced from their own mother or their partner's mother, the traditional carers after childbirth. These women may still be in the paid workforce themselves when younger women birth or - as many women having babies in their 40s are facing - are needing support themselves as they age.
Sisters and friends are probably at work or caring for their small children and struggling to get dinner on their own table. Cooking extra to feed the new parents might be beyond their capacity.
Build your own support system
The reality for many new parents is the caring bubble of practical support they need is not available. Neighbours might be strangers, work colleagues living a different season and the local community you unknown due to long work commutes.
The modern reality might be outsourcing as much of the practical support as you can afford. Budget ahead for a cleaner, meal delivery, postnatal doula, and other private services emerging to fill the gaps. Lean in to the intensity of the immediate postpartum weeks and reach out for support wherever you can find it. That can be through peer support groups like the Australian Breastfeeding Association or local babywearing group, your child health nurse who facilitates groups for new parents and online communities like our own SNPN Facebook group. You might need to create a new support network for your life right now.
Self-care is important and we don't mean scheduling a massage. Looking after yourself looks after your baby so staying hydrated, nourished and rested is a priority. Putting your own needs high on the list can be challenging but is particularly important if you are not being nurtured by others. Have realistic expectations about what you can achieve in a day other than caring for yourself and your baby. Anything and everything else is optional.
