Babies Aren't Meant to be Put Down to Sleep

There are three reasons why we do things as parents:

Because we want to

Because we need to

Because we are told to

Ideally, every action we take in caring for our children should be a choice we have made or something which is necessary for the care and safety of the infant. (Nobody actually wants to change a pooey nappy but it is necessary).

However, doing something because we are told to is one area we can filter. Sometimes we are told things presented as options - “You might like to try baby massage” while others are directives: “You must do baby massage every day”

One directive most parents are given is:

“If your baby is fed, has a clean nappy and is happy, you should put them down. It's not good to hold them all the time. “

Good.

What does that even mean? It's bad to hold them all the time? Why? Does this apply to all carrying mammals or just humans because we now have more important things to do?

More important than nurturing a newborn? Really?

Babies are wired to fall asleep while moving - it is a primal response to being carrying mammals

Of course it is incredibly intense to care for a baby who is most calm when held. It makes caring for other children, caring for a household and caring for yourself much harder. But that does not make it wrong. It just makes it demanding.

The intense care of the human infant is why we evolved to live in cooperative communities. You help me while I have a newborn and I'll help you when you have one. I won't die at the end of my fertile years so I can help you during yours. I will bond with you as a mate so I can help you raise my child.

Modern society has changed the culture of family life so much that it would be unrecognisable to the few isolated people still living the traditional hunter-gatherer lifestyle.

A mother’s chest is a babies habitat. It is here, in full skin contact, that infants feel safest

But our babies are still hunter-gatherer humans. Evolution does not move that quickly. So when our stone age babies are laid on their backs by their busy parents, who have been told their child needs to sleep alone - they panic. Because the only instincts they have tell them they have been abandoned. Their life depends on being held, by their mother, their father, grandparents, aunts, siblings and cousins.

Sleep naturally follows feeding. Putting babies down when they are “drowsy but awake” is almost impossible!

Hold your baby as much as you can and as much as they need to be held. This season is short and intense. You are not creating bad habits. You are not breaking the rules.